Should I just sit back and wait for love to come and strike me before making a move back?
I’m tired of waiting, expecting and be disappointed that none of the things I ever wanted for myself would come true. I hate the feeling of feeling so unattractive, feeling like I’m worth absolutely no one’s attention, feeling like a loser all the time. I want someone who will be there for me, I want someone to shower me with love/attention, I want someone to make me feel like I’m appreciated for everything.
I have many eye-candies, but it’s only meant for viewing purposes. They are just unrealistic choices that I make for a prospective boyfriend. I can get all madly in love for that someone, but he doesn’t even notice. He doesn’t even know just looking at him is already enough.
I want to do things couple do; taking lots of pictures, going on lots of dates, doing all the things we’re passionate about but haven’t experience before together – travelling, dancing, learning a new language. I want someone who’ll wake up just to prepare me a morning breakfast, someone who’ll come all the way to fetch me even though it’s out of the way, someone who’ll fight just to have me. I want to bake for someone when it’s his birthday, to do cards for him to remind him he’s not alone in all he do, to go on berry picking and end up feeding each other what we picked. I want to take crazy pictures with him, do things with him, just spend time with someone whom I never thought existed in my entire life. It’s highly impossible, but I want to pretend it’ll happen. This would only happen in dramas and fairytales, but I just hope for once, a fairytale will unfold in my life and I play the lead in it.
It’s not wrong to dream a lil wilder, expect a lil more, love a lil fiercer, but now, it just feels like I’m hurt over and over again. Not because of anyone else, but myself. This is not called being desperate for a boyfriend, this is just trying to find another person who makes me his everything. I’m not the most attractive girl in the world, with the best personality. But at least, I’m true to myself and my beliefs, I stand up for what I support, and I support those who love me. I don’t want to become someone else for another being to love me, I want to be loved for being me. I want someone who loves my smiles and my frowns, someone who’ll become jealous when he feels insecure, someone who loves me just the way I am.
Maybe I just expect too much; and like what others say, maybe I should just wait and see what happens.