You’ll never be able to please every single person out there.

Don’t you think so? I feel that statement is so right, it’s like no matter how much you change to suit one person, another will hate it. Then you’ll change again, and the cycle goes on, it’s never-ending. In the midst of it all, you begin to lose the person you really are, and you start evolving to be someone you are not. To come out of that cycle, you have to start. All over again.

It’s so tiring, you might not even want to go on trying. You might not be able to persevere through it all – the criticisms you have to take in, the sacrifices you have to make, the struggles you have to face. The things people say about you would start bringing you down, the things you’ll think about – you’ll start asking yourself if it was all worth it. It’ll be a long process, but y’know when you come out of it all, you come out a STRONGER person.

xo

Wonderful Tonight.

Always wanted to post something but I was lazy to think of things to blog about even though I had plenty of things to rant, comment or simply place my views about. Recently busy with activities from school – decisions that I have to make which makes me feel that it will impact the road one way or another, activities that keep so busy and things that I have to manage.

~

I’m on the verge of breaking down; I just want to cry but I have to keep telling myself not to, that I have to be strong and stop crying over little things that I’m facing. I wished that I am a little less hesitant, a little more firm or maybe have a clear sense of which direction I want to go/pursue in the future. Maybe if I was able to do something about it, I would have a little less trouble with the decisions I have to make right now.

I have to set my priorities right. I have to place what is most important first. I have to do well in my academics. I have to face up to so many expectations. I have to manage my time well. I have to meet deadlines. Why the hell am I spreading my life so thinly again? I want to do so many things, but I can’t choose which I want to focus on. I’m greedy like that, and I have to face the consequences for it again.

I have this question that I have been asking myself ever since the results out – Replug or Rhapsody? Replug or Rhapsody? Replug or Rhapsody? Even when I’m sitting there doing my worksheet, or singing my songs, or hanging out with my friends. It’s like I can’t seem to concentrate on anything, anything at all because of that decision I have to make as soon as possible or everything else in my life will seem to crumble and by then, it might be too late to do anything about that. But this decision is going to affect me for the rest of my life (at least to me), because it impacts what intentions or things I want to do with my life.

Truthfully I know I don’t belong in Rhapsody because I stick out like a sore thumb, because of my voice. But I love being in the midst of so many friendly people, I love how our voices can be used to become a song by itself. I’ve always been curious about how acapella works, but honestly I don’t think I can stay there for long.

And I don’t know if I stay in Replug. Honestly, I don’t think I’m any good in there because I don’t have originality. The songs I sing I hardly make any variations to it unless it’s really bad. I’ve never been great at rearranging songs, but the things I see in Replug is so unique or they totally make a whole change to the song. I actually rejected Replug, but seniors called and talked to me that I should stay. I don’t know how much to trust them, because I don’t know if their words are genuine. But I feel that Replug is the kind of place I would belong in, more than I’m in Rhapsody. The seniors say that I have potential if I am in Replug, but to be honest, they only heard me for two rounds. But when they are around me, my voice may not be up to what they have thought it would be.

The best part is I don’t know which IG to stay in. I mean after considering and thinking a lot, I do have a rough idea whic I should go to. But I’m holding back because I don’t know if it’ll be the right choice, the right decision. But I know I should try to take risks but I’m just so scared of taking the wrong step. xoxo

Credits to Chang

I feel like I’m losing all my friends, and people that I care about. The scary part is, I don’t even know what to do about it. I don’t know if I want to do anything about it.

On the one hand, it hurts and stings like that when I get left out. I feel hurt and disappointed, and I wonder what the heck is wrong with me. Am I really that insignificant? I guess so. I tried to let go of the birthday thing but I can’t. It still hurts, it still stings. And now this? This is just a continuation of that slap in the face. Its a kick in the gut, as well.

On the other hand, somehow I can’t be bothered with people anymore. Everyone wants something from you, everyone expects something in return. And when you can’t deliver? Disappointments. Its exhausting. I have nothing left to give anymore. What more do you want from me? Another thing: if you can’t be bothered with our friendship, why should I be the only one making the effort? If I’m not important to you, why should you be important to me?

Can’t tell who’s fake and who’s real anymore. I guess I’ve learnt what they meant by taking your emotions out of the equation. What it means to plaster a smile on your face and tell everyone you’re ok. I used to think it was difficult and almost impossible to hide my emotions, but I guess amongst people I don’t know anymore and people who don’t know me anymore, its easier. It almost becomes habitual.

I need a break from everything. School work, life, friends, people in general. Its overwhelming. I want to travel. To go somewhere far away from Singapore and get my head sorted out. Maybe then everything will be ok. Maybe I will be ok. Maybe not. Its a cycle.

When you try your best but you don’t succeed | When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep | When you lose something you can’t replace | When you love someone but it goes to waste | Could it be worse?

Taken from http://clyrehc.livejournal.com/49080.html

Absence does make the heart grow fonder.

Doesn’t God’s handiworks look ever so amazing?

Been looking forward to this day since forever, where I finally met up with people whom I missed so much;)

It’s like when you get to see everyone every single day, you seem to take their presence for granted. But when we are all parted into going our different paths in life, you always pine for the days that are now just  memories. When you finally meet up, you seem to have many things to say to one another.

It was like that for us yesterday; we were watching Shakespeare in the Park: The Twelfth Night play and I have to say it was really funny and awesome. Adrian Pang was the bomb, even though he is not playing the lead role, I would have to say no one would be able to play his role better than him. He has a great voice, I must say.

I shall stop here, and let the pictures do the talking;) xoxo

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Nostalgia

Don’t cha wish time would just slow down, let you catch up with everyone before they move on again? I have no idea why I’m feeling so depressed now; just by looking at the pictures on my timeline, I am tearing up. Again.

The few pictures we all have together. Look where we are at right now. Just stop, and look. Have you forgotten how I laugh? Or the fact that I love to sing? Or maybe my flaws have already influenced your mind to forget about this old friend of yours. I miss y’all very much. I miss the times we used to walk down to the canteen #likeaboss, and the times where we just break into the chorus of a song.

At the time when I broke down, I wished every single one of you were there with me. I wished I had those reassuring words I had taken for granted, or those hugs I thought would always be there. xo

One of the people I missed the most. You’re one of the closest; someone I felt was truly my soul sister. Someone who understood mostly what I was going through, someone who gave me advice, someone who’ll lend me her shoulder to cry on, someone who’ll offer her free hugs, someone who’ll camwhore with me. xoxo

I really missed the times I had with everyone of you! You girls are like my family; especially those whom I’ve grown with. I miss the feeling of warmth, acceptance, love from you girls! It’s like I have this family, who never left. xo

I miss you dudes the most! I was looking at all the videos we had, I was laughing away. I couldn’t believe how little things like these could make us smile, or the lamest things we could do just to entertain ourselves. We might be a lil eccentric, but we love each other all the same! I spent the best four years of my life growing up with you girls, I can’t wait to see y’all again. It’s like when we could see each other everyday, we were just ‘Hi, Bye’ but now that we have all gone different paths, look at the endless conversations, encouragements we give to each other. xo

Another family in school; the Student Council. This is somewhere I didn’t expect myself to end up in. I’m one of the most rebellious people, God knows why MrKang still accepted me into the council. However, it showed what different things faith could do.  I don’t think I would have become the leader I am, or the things I’m capable of. I miss hearing all the laughter from the SC room, or maybe the random dance we learn. Maybe camwhoring would be another thing. I don’t know who I would have become without these people supporting me at the back from whatever I’m doing. xoxo

I miss jamming with y’all. Really. Although we look otherwise, I think we’re cool. I really miss all the lame things Alvin would come up with, or some cheeky face that Hung would make. I really miss y’all so much, I miss how the atmosphere feel around you guys. You guys never fail to put that smile on my face, or make me feel like I do have something I can be proud of. Because you guys had faith in me. xoxo

Can you believe this? I even miss how the guys would tease me; for everything. Especially Harris and Nhavin. I miss the times during Chemistry, and Chinese where we’ll be crapping away at the back. Talking nonsense, playing poker with polaroids. I don’t know what else y’all are capable of. I miss all the teasing. xoxo

I might have left out certain people, but it’s simply impossible for me to list out everyone. Whatever I wrote here is an understatement, because the things you guys have done is simply indescribable.

No matter how bright my future seems, it’s the people from the past who mould me to become who I am today.

Things to give thanks for.

  1. Getting into Round 1 of REPLUG auditions
  2. Getting into Round 2 of REPLUG auditions
  3. Getting into RHAPSODY
  4. Getting into the Round 1 of the musical
  5. Making new friends in a new environment
  6. Getting appreciated for things
  7. Appreciating old friends even more

There’s so many things to thank God for. But I don’t think I have time to touch on everything. God has been really good to me; His faithfulness never fails. Just when I thought He has forgotten about me, He surprises me with His miracles. All my life I have been failing umpteen auditions/interviews, but look where has His gift brought me.

I got accepted into 2 IGs I genuinely did not think I would have made through because of their standards. I got into the first round of the Musical auditions – and this was really unexpected. I mean, I can’t act even though I’m so dramatic. I screwed up the singing part of the audition which I knew I could have done better. I love dancing, but I look atrocious when I do. Things that I didn’t think would happen, did happen. I don’t know if it’s too early to be happy about anything. But I am already grateful for already coming this far. I just hope it’ll get better and better, but I know He has a purpose for me. I might not be able to succeed now, but who knows in the future?

Acceptance – a new word that I learn the meaning of. Accepting people for not only their strengths, but their flaws as well. Being accepted feels great, something that I truly felt only at this point in my life. I want to make people feel great/accepted for who they are around me. I want to help everyone feel the meaning of acceptance, even at the littlest moment in their life.

Whoever we are assigned with, I feel that we should embrace their flaws and make use of their strengths. No one person is perfect. In the working environment in the future, you don”t get to choose who your bosses are, who your colleagues are, who your clients are. Whatever the character they come with, you just have to learn to adapt to the circumstances.

Weddings

I think everything about a wedding thrills me;

From the mere preparation to the reason why we actually want to have a wedding – because we love. I think it’s really unique because no two weddings are the same; there’s so many themes we can have for a wedding, and everyone wants theirs to be special. It may be sheer hard work – dealing with every single thing from the minutest details to the grand expectations that everyone wants.

But the reward that comes from it all; it’s just indescribable.

Faith.

Hullo readers!

Here’s some updates about what I’ve been doing these days!

  • Auditions for RHAPSODY
  • Auditions for Reflections musical: The Makan Place
  • Auditions Round 1 and 2 for REPLUG

Boy, am I so glad that they’re all over. I hate having the jitters before/during auditions. You know, I’ll keep thinking about it all the time until they’re finally over before I can heave a sigh of relief. It’s kinda scary, but then again, I promised myself to have to grab all opportunities or else I’ll regret it. Though the auditions for the musical was kinda new to me, having to dance, sing and read a monologue, I’m really surprised that I really like it:)  I just hope I get some small part in the musical, just for the fun of it:)

I got into both REPLUG and RHAPSODY. And I think it’s impossible for me to go and do both (Not that I’ll want anyway). For your information, REPLUG is an IG which redefines music; while RHAPSODY is an acapella singing group (Is it the same like show choir?). I went for both auditions, hoping I’ll get into either one and get rejected by the other. But then, both accepted me, so what do I do now?

I feel that being in REPLUG would be pretty stressful for me, and stress is the one thing I do not want to have on my plate right now. While RHAPSODY really gives me the feel of being in a family, like GLEE. I mean, since I said that, my mind is already made up, right?

I need to really master my time management, or else things are going to go the way I do not want it to be. Guess I have a lot to balance on my plate right now, the last thing I need to spread myself too thinly like before, and regret it all over again. Need to pray and ask that Daddy will help me with this; Mother has already said that she’ll want me to quit the IGs if my academics suffer.

Really detest the thought of having so much to balance on my plate right now; the many groups of friends, academics, IGs. Ah, this is so annoying.

Regrets & Mistakes

Sometimes I do feel like I’m turning back to my old self; even tho I’ve been a lot matured in terms of many situations, I feel that my usage of profanities has just increased by bounds and leaps, and that’s not a thing I should be proud of. Maybe you can say it’s peer influence but that’s not a very good excuse – it’s just well, lame. Sure, I’m not the only one using it but there are definitely others who don’t use it as well. I do hope I change on that part tho; using vulgarities isn’t very Christian-like, lady-like or someone with class.

Confession: Sometimes, I do feel like a hypocrite. When I said I’ll help a person, then I turned around joining others talking bad about them. It’s not that I do it on purpose, but sometimes you just want to help them and yet feel annoyed with that person all at the same time.  What do I do in such a situation? I feel so disgusted with myself for doing all that.

Especially if that person has been really nice to you after your help, sending you the quiz questions when you needed it the most and you just did the worst thing you could have ever done to someone else. I really feel so disgusted with myself. I don’t want to continue like that anymore, but sometimes, some people just want to test your patience to the limits.

Sometimes I really do scare myself, am I turning into my own scariest nightmare?

Simplicity.

I feel the same way.

Reflective Recollections;

I thank God for people who wake me up when I fall asleep on the mrt upon reaching Pasir Ris. I wouldn’t know what to do without such a small act of kindness.

Well, school hasn’t been that tiring. But mentally? Yes. Mentally it has been. It’s sometimes like a tough battle daily. Tough battle with myself at times even. Too many decisions, too much crazy feelings and thoughts. I seriously need to take a chill pill sometimes. I have no idea why I’m so tough on myself sometimes.

I don’t feel much of myself. I miss being fun. I miss skipping around halls. I miss saying hi and stopping to make little conversations to people. Skip around in poly and you’ll just be.. weird. It’s too big. I miss a small community where it feels like home. But sometimes it is okay to not feel at home right? Then you…

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But there’s a side to you, that I never knew, I never knew

Hey readers!

Again, I don’t know if there’s people who actually bother to read my blog;) Just wanna say a huge thank you to those who have been very very sweet to me these few weeks;)

Me; the cutie pie

Being another person altogether is really the best feeling in the world. A person who doesn’t have to wear a mask where ever she goes, a girl who just do all the things she feels like doing at that moment, at that second, someone who just wanna live life to the fullest and smile every single minute of her life. I love not having to wear a mask just to hide what I feel, the fact that I don’t have to keep up with pretences, or to change myself just to suit someone else. I want you to love me for who I am, what I love to do, who I wanna be. I don’t want to be that girl who keeps changing just to make someone else happy. For once, I want to be happy, for myself.

Dani & me;

“Friends are the siblings God forgot to give us.”  – Anonymous

I agree with that quote;) You can have many many friends, but you will only have that few that will stand by you. I don’t know about you, but I think this bunch of people in the picture up there are awesome. They have shown me what friendship is really about.

The morning meet-ups – waiting for me to come unless I’m absolutely late, the lunch at LAWN every single day without fail just to catch up with one another, the camwhore time. 

Dude, I’m still shocked with what you did. I really am. I don’t know how things will go, what the outcome will become, all I know is I think I’m falling in love with you even more every single time you do something like that. I don’t know how to describe this; it doesn’t feel like love, yet it doesn’t feel like friends. I think I’m still confused. xoxo

I’m here without you

Still waiting for Charmaine to get her RJ over and done with! Rhapsody was the bomb tonight;) I’m so excited to go for the auditions on the 8th, after having REPLUG’s auditions on the 7th. Talking about the audition, I have no confidence about it. It’s like so rushed, we barely have time to practise but I have to say that my band mates are kinda great, especially after the random jamming after practice!:) I love resinging old songs – ‘Superman‘ by Five for Fighting, ‘I’m Yours‘ by Jason Mraz, ‘Bubbly‘ by Colbie Caillat, ‘Hero‘ by Enrique. It was kinda mash-up/medley, and it feels so great to be amongst people who love music as much as me.

If you stop thinking about something, you will get it. – Andy Warhol

I think that quote is so true; it speaks so much in my life. Every single time I’m done thinking something is over, it has to come and surprise me with something good. I don’t want to expect much again, because it will go ahead and disappoint me all the time, like it always do. So I’m just going to let nature take its course, let things go its own way, and I’m going to ignore what everyone says.

Cos what matters most is what my heart says, not what my head says.

Lovin’ You

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Shots from my class’s “photoshoot”. We finally got down to getting class pictures taken; and it’s one of the most awesome things I ever done;) We’re this bunch of fun people, sure, there are conflicts but together, we’re kinda like a family. I really thank God for blessing me with such great classmates for first semester, making it one of the best things in the start of my new life in RP!:)

I’m still feeling so confused for my feelings for you. Sometimes, I don’t get your actions. Sometimes, you’re the cause of my smiles. But sometimes, you’re the cause of my wanting to cry. I want to tell you everything, but I am so afraid of your reaction. This is not easy for me.

Love you, love you not?

Hello readers!;)

Guess I haven’t been updating for a week; can’t seem to find the right words to write.

While the rest had lunch, I decided to camwhore with Dani’s iPod.

I love the effects! We went to JCube for ice-skating, then City Hall for shopping with Mashita and Dani ❤ Talked the entire time in the train, laughing and ignoring what others thought of us. Learnt how to ice-skate, I would love to do it again after I’m done with dance lessons!:) Walked around JCube to look for a pair of jeans but to no avail, because it’s practically empty there. Went to City Hall with the other two and we went to so many shops in the two hours. Legs were aching from ice-skating, so we went home early!:)

I don’t know how I feel, I just know without you, I feel so lost. I just want to tell you “It’s you, stupid”. Need I say more?