Always wanted to post something but I was lazy to think of things to blog about even though I had plenty of things to rant, comment or simply place my views about. Recently busy with activities from school – decisions that I have to make which makes me feel that it will impact the road one way or another, activities that keep so busy and things that I have to manage.
I’m on the verge of breaking down; I just want to cry but I have to keep telling myself not to, that I have to be strong and stop crying over little things that I’m facing. I wished that I am a little less hesitant, a little more firm or maybe have a clear sense of which direction I want to go/pursue in the future. Maybe if I was able to do something about it, I would have a little less trouble with the decisions I have to make right now.
I have to set my priorities right. I have to place what is most important first. I have to do well in my academics. I have to face up to so many expectations. I have to manage my time well. I have to meet deadlines. Why the hell am I spreading my life so thinly again? I want to do so many things, but I can’t choose which I want to focus on. I’m greedy like that, and I have to face the consequences for it again.
I have this question that I have been asking myself ever since the results out – Replug or Rhapsody? Replug or Rhapsody? Replug or Rhapsody? Even when I’m sitting there doing my worksheet, or singing my songs, or hanging out with my friends. It’s like I can’t seem to concentrate on anything, anything at all because of that decision I have to make as soon as possible or everything else in my life will seem to crumble and by then, it might be too late to do anything about that. But this decision is going to affect me for the rest of my life (at least to me), because it impacts what intentions or things I want to do with my life.
Truthfully I know I don’t belong in Rhapsody because I stick out like a sore thumb, because of my voice. But I love being in the midst of so many friendly people, I love how our voices can be used to become a song by itself. I’ve always been curious about how acapella works, but honestly I don’t think I can stay there for long.
And I don’t know if I stay in Replug. Honestly, I don’t think I’m any good in there because I don’t have originality. The songs I sing I hardly make any variations to it unless it’s really bad. I’ve never been great at rearranging songs, but the things I see in Replug is so unique or they totally make a whole change to the song. I actually rejected Replug, but seniors called and talked to me that I should stay. I don’t know how much to trust them, because I don’t know if their words are genuine. But I feel that Replug is the kind of place I would belong in, more than I’m in Rhapsody. The seniors say that I have potential if I am in Replug, but to be honest, they only heard me for two rounds. But when they are around me, my voice may not be up to what they have thought it would be.
The best part is I don’t know which IG to stay in. I mean after considering and thinking a lot, I do have a rough idea whic I should go to. But I’m holding back because I don’t know if it’ll be the right choice, the right decision. But I know I should try to take risks but I’m just so scared of taking the wrong step. xoxo