Trying to make it work but man these times are hard.

No matter what I do, it never seems to be good enough for anyone.

Every single morning, WordPress would pop out in the list of urls that will open when I open Google Chrome. I always have something that I want to say, that I keep inside, but somehow the words just won’t come out.

I’ve been busy with my UT 1s and I’m finally done to the last paper tomorrow. I’m panicking inside, I know I ought to study, but I just don’t know how to start. Maybe reading through the notes will help but the thing is, I am not allowed to bring in my paper notes which probably mean I’m screwed. Or else I’ll have to copy it to the textbook.

I’m going to be busy for the month of July with:

  • 2nd Internals
  • The Makanplace rehearsals
  • Preparation for UT2
  • Ignite

I’ve been feeling emotionally unstable and even as I type this, I feel like I’m going to cry. I have so many feelings I am feeling right now, I don’t know if that is possible but all I just want to do is to talk to someone I can trust completely, someone that will not judge but I can’t even find that one person. I feel like such a failure in life, because one of my RJs required me to talk about someone who touched me but I can’t even find one person. I had to fucking lie through it. I feel like I had no friends, no one I can lean on. This is definitely not true but y’know honestly, I want to find someone who will be there for free hugs, shoulder for me to cry on, or be there just as my listening ear.

I feel so angry. I feel so sad. I feel so helpless. I feel useless. I feel irritated and no, it’s not that time of the month. I just feel like I’m all alone in this fucking world where I have no friends. Like close friends. Like BFFs. I have loads of acquaintances. This make me seem like I’m super ungrateful to those who’ve been around me but I don’t know. I just feel alone.

I feel so unmotivated especially with school because I have been stoning there or else sleeping in class. I feel like another Shalini who isn’t doing anything. I feel like I’m physically there but emotionally and mentally I’m just not present. I hate the people who have been talking behind my back about this. I envy Replugios who have awesome classmates or they seem to be enjoying class. I used to have such a feeling when I go to school, but now I’m just dreading every single minute there. I’m always counting down to the time I can meet the Replugios again. Maybe it’s just me but right now, all I want to do is to sleep and let everything go away.


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