I have tendencies to write when I’m on the long train ride home, when I’m usually alone. Most of them are reflections of the day and where I am in my life. Sometimes, they are just too private to post up but I guess this is fine. So if you’re wondering why there are delays in the posts, it’s probably because of that reason.
I just want to cry so badly. I’ve been controlling that tears that’s been welling up in my eyes and yet, I’m just holding them in. Y’know I just sit and wonder what a failure my life has been. Friends and family. I think I fail in these two aspects the most. My academics haven’t been the most outstanding, I haven’t been the best at anything.
Friends. Honestly, I don’t know who are my so called friends. I don’t have this clique whom I’ll do everything with anymore. Everything is so different now that everyone is moving down different paths to their lives. I pine for the past but it hits me that it is just going to be memories and nothing more. I get really upset because I hate to forge friendships and only to find out later that I am the only one who cares. It’s like the saying ‘It always take two hands to clap’ but right now, it’s like I am the only one putting in the effort. Whatever it is, I’m letting my hands off this. All I know is that I’ve tried my best so it’s time to move on.
I knew everyone in my life would leave me one way or another. I just can’t seem to hold on to people long enough. Look, we are drifting apart. I know it. Or maybe I expect too much but we ain’t talking. You got bored of me. I knew it’s just going to happen sooner or later.