It started with a whisper.

People who know me will know how I always blog/tweet when I rage. No matter how many times people always tell you that you shouldn’t say things when you’re angry because you’ll end up finding that you don’t mean what you say and the damage is already done? Strangely enough, when the night falls, I do look back at the things I say and wonder if it was even necessary. However, most of the time, I don’t regret anything that I have said.

For me, I have always believed that the things people say when they are angry are the things they truly mean but they just keep it all inside. It’s when they are angry that they have the courage to say those things they’ve been keeping for the longest time. People find that I overreact, I get angry over the littlest things, I behave like a spoilt brat, I’m a troublemaker (I admit that at times I do slip into that part of my character) but most of the time, I’m just being truthful and I’m sorry but the truth hurts.

***

I like to think that I am genuine to people with my comments/words. Yea sure if it means I have to come across as a bitch; just suck it up, people. I have come to the point where I no longer want to please society who says I have to do this or I have to do that because no matter what I do, someone will always have something to say. If I tell the truth, I’m a bitch. If I don’t, I’m a hypocrite. I’m definitely want to be the bitch. (Thank you very much!) I’m not sorry that I am straightforward and if I don’t like you, I’ll just blatantly show you with my actions. It’s as simple as that.

I don’t give you a chance after you do something wrong to hurt me. I can’t help but think that since you’ve done it once, you’re going to be capable of doing it again. Am I going to be so dumb as to let you hurt me again? No, I don’t think so. It just sucks that people I thought are my friends don’t understand me enough to misunderstand my actions and my words.

***

I don’t understand why people still treat me like a fool. I admit it, I was an utter bitch (And I’m not even speaking truth) in the past. I made use of people, I say mean things all the time and I was a hypocrite. I don’t know how people used to take it but I’m pretty sure most of them couldn’t wait to get rid of me from their lives. I literally stole a diary from 2 girls who were best friends, read + photocopied it and spread it to the whole class. Afterwhich, I burnt that diary. Yea judge all you want but I’m no longer as childish as that. I apologized and I meant it and now, we’re still friends.

If you don’t know me, then don’t judge me at the first impression. Don’t insult me and then apologize afterwards. It won’t work for me. Don’t come to me saying that you didn’t mean it because sure as hell, I take it to heart. I hate people like you who don’t have basic respect for others. People whom you haven’t even gotten to know.

I get it. People are judgemental (I judge people too) but you don’t go around telling other people about your impressions of me and when you’re told to stop, you went on. Don’t insult what I say then you start using what I say at the very next second. That’s what I call being a hypocrite.

***

To my ‘friends’ out there, if you’re unhappy with me, just tell me in my face/text/call (I won’t take it to heart. It’s called constructive criticism). Don’t talk amongst yourselves and leave me hanging there. Do y’know how much it hurts to find out that you guys have another Whatsapp group without me in it? Or finding out that you have a gift exchange amongst yourselves (without me). The holy fuck, I’m not stupid. I read the signs fast. Just tell me if you wanna be friends with me instead of letting me find out so cruelly. You guys owe me that much.

I don’t think it’s fair to me. Being treated this way. I don’t even know what I have done wrong to deserved being ostracized just like that. Fuck you. Like really fuck you people for succeeding in making me feel this way. Farah always ask me why do I still go on being nice to y’all after what you’ve done to me and I thought you guys were different. Guess not.

xo

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