Post #1: Thoughts

I think another thing that keeps me from blogging on this space would be the fact I get stumped every single time when I have to write a title for the post. I spend at least a good 30 mins trying to think of an interesting title but I usually give up writing the post altogether because I simply can’t think of what to say (omg faith’s pains)

In any case, it’s been 22 days since I posted on this space. And as much as I would love to be able to update my Dayre daily, I haven’t been doing it. Ever since I went back to school on the 2nd, school has been taking so much time. Like I said before, it’s the first time I’ve ever been so busy since I was in poly because RP don’t really give us assignments and this sem, it’s just full of graded assignments. I should be prepping for my presentation tmr but I’m just so tired of looking at the slides – thinking how I should compile it all in just 10 slides. You must be kidding right? I mean I have 53 pages in my word doc & they want me to compile them in just 10 slides. I’ve never really liked summarizing  but oh well, I guess it can wait.

Some of my friends have been going back to blogging and I really really love reading their thoughts because I get to understand them more. I feel like blogs are actually spaces that people write/ share what they don’t say out loud. And it’s probably especially so for me. And I love reading what I’ve written in the past and realize how some things no longer bother me as much or how, despite all the quarrels I’ve had with certain friends, we are closer than ever.

Blogging has such a therapeutical effect – I get to say what I’ve been keeping inside for the longest time and whether other people read it or not, it doesn’t really matter. I like to say I’m an extremely straightforward person who tends to shoot her mouth off when the situation requires of me to do so and I don’t regret it.

Some nights, I just read my Twitter timeline and I really wonder how some people can just keep up with their two faces (or many faces). Don’t you get tired? I feel so tired for them – keeping up a different story with different groups of people. I really can’t deal with them; especially the bitchy ones. I feel so sad for them – their self-esteem is so low that they have to do this to sustain whatever ‘friends’ they have in their lives. They’re so afraid of speaking what they really feel because they’re afraid people will no longer accept them. The ‘friends’ they have are simply just people who wants to make use of them. Just remember, no matter how pretty you are on the outside, if you are ugly on the inside, that ugliness will shine through sooner or later.

***

I think this past week really tested my patience with people; I’ve been dealing with people of all sorts. I don’t say anything because I don’t want to regret what I say later on. As much as I believe that people speak the truth especially when they are pissed, I don’t want to offend people/ friends over such small things (because all these can be avoided). I do believe it’s just a phase but I also have my limits – don’t climb over my head just because I’m nice and you think you can get away with it.

As much as I don’t show it, I am an extremely sensitive person. I remember the words people inflict on me and I don’t think I’ll ever forget. As much as I love you as a friend, I believe in mutual respect. Be careful of the words you use on me because I get hurt really easily and you might think that it’s fine but it’s not.

So, for some reason, many people have been PMSing on me this week. I’m pretty sure I’m not the one who caused you to feel frustrated/ annoyed/ pissed so don’t take it out on me. My actions prolly added on to your frustrations and I’m sorry. But don’t take it out on me – slamming your stuff, showing me attitude or telling me to shut up. I really really hate it when people tell me to shut up – that’s probably what’s on the very top of my ‘what I really hate’ list.

I’m warning you in advance – if you are gonna continue with all these shit this week, don’t blame me if I slap you in the face. You probably really need a slap to open your eyes (wide) to see that I’m not the one causing you your emotions. I will be here for you to listen to why you are frustrated or what’s annoying you but don’t ever take it out on me (or anyone else) because I know I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve to be on the receiving end of your frustrations or be the one hurt from the words you are hurling to people just because you are frustrated. If you know you will lash out words (that hurt) on people, then stay away from them.

I can deal with this once or twice but hell, not for one entire week. Every single day I have to deal with the shit somebody decides to let out on me and I’ve to clean up the mess.

***

On a happier note, I am so glad that the busiest phase of this semester is probably going to be over. After I’m done with this final week, I would have completed my Events Ops Management UT2 assignment and all my UT2s. I’ll get a break (not) for about 3 weeks before it’s the final papers and then it’s the holidays (whoop whoop)

I know my words in the previous section was really harsh and I really do get annoyed, it’s only for a little while and then I’m fine again. Just stop testing my limits cuz I don’t know what I might do when I’m mad. I might say things that result in the end of our friendships and I think it’s not worth it. On my part, I’ll definitely try to understand what has been troubling you but on your part, please don’t take it out on me.

Chinese New Year is in about 4 days and if I’m not back to blog again, here’s a Happy New Year in advance! I hope you collect many angpaos (but spend the money wisely!)

xx

P/S: Follow me on my social media networks 🙂 For now, I will not be using my Instagram account @faithjiaen because it’s such a hassle switching when I’m posting the same things so head on to @ardourkisses – it’s private but I accept almost all the requests! 🙂 I’ve also made changes in my Soundcloud link to @faithjiaen as well 🙂

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2013 > 2014

I’ve always wanted to be the kind of person who can sit down & consolidate her thoughts at the end of the day, pen them down & re-read them whenever I feel like it. I want to be a blogger & get paid for my reviews on items – that’s when my opinion matters. But then again, I can never be tied down and never would like to be tied down to deadlines in writing entries.  

I have an album prepared for my 2013 consolidation of thoughts & photos but nah, I don’t think I’ll ever get down to doing it. I mean, I still have my draft from 2012 December when I wanted to write about an awesome 2013. This is so crazy – trying to dig through every single experience and write about them just so I should y’know. 

After thinking through, I think it all boils down to me wanting to say thank you to every single one of you who’s been supporting me in what I want to do & even to haters, thank you for giving me criticism (whether constructive or not) & motivating myself to become better. 2013 has been a year of breakthroughs – pushing myself to try & accomplish things I never would have wanted to do/ never thought I would do. I’m really really thankful for all the opportunities I’ve been given in 2013 & I can only pray that God will open more doors in 2014. I’m thankful for friends who’s stuck by me despite all my nonsense & here’s to an even better 2014. 

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A really terrible selfie after I did my hair (#bluehairdontcare) but I will be attempting to update regularly (aka daily/ weekly) on my Dayre so I hope y’all will follow me there 🙂 x