These few weeks has been rough. My emotions have been going all over the place.
But it’s times like these where I tend to write. A lot. I don’t write novels or short stories. When my emotions get the better of me, I want to write it out. There are so many thoughts in my head which needs to be cleared out.
Helpless. It’s probably the word to describe me right now. I feel helpless because despite trying to work things out, it’s not going the way I planned. Maybe God is trying to tell me to let go. And that I’ve done what I could to save it but how can I help but try to fix things? I have a fault to a certain extent but I’m definitely not the only one who contributed to this mess.
Tired. I’m tired of all these drama. This is so primary/ secondary school. We all know that even if we are still on talking terms, our friendship is never going to be the same. It’s not that I purposely misplace gifts on purpose but everyone knows I misplace my stuff ALL the time. I’ve never meant to lie nor take my flaws as an excuse but I’m so damn tired of feeling like I’m being guilt-trip to making me think that it’s ALL my fault. I tried. I’ve already put my ego down and apologize and admit to my weaknesses. But if y’all are going to behave like kids, it’s not like I can help it.
Well, rejoice because y’all have succeeded in making me feel like this. Aren’t you happy now? I mean y’all are always right and it’s my fault for being over-sensitive. I can’t tweet what I want because I have to consider other people’s feelings. No, I can’t be straightforward and say the things I want to say because it’ll hurt your poor weak hearts.
But hey, look. I don’t owe anything to you. Why should I consider your feelings when you don’t even consider mine? You are equally as mean to anyone in class. Especially towards Pat. (Everyone has eyes to see and ears to hear.) Question yourselves before you dare say anything about me. I know I do join in at times but you jolly well know that you do it so much more yourselves. Don’t tell me to just reflect on what I’ve said about you (I will and have already done it) but do it yourselves. Don’t always think you are always right and everyone is always wrong.
Just let me get things straight before you go around talking about me like as if I’m a spoilt brat. When I tweet, you said that I caused you guys to feel negative. ‘It’s not as if we cannot feel the impact of the words that you’ve tweeted’. But hey, there you are tweeting about me, and it is not even true. Oh, do I not feel?
Whatever I tweet, they are my opinions on my emotions that I’ve felt from your actions. I tweet because I feel that way. But whatever you said up there is based on the things I didn’t even know occurred in my absence. I’ve already left the group beforehand. So obviously, I wouldn’t know what y’all are talking about and who said what in the group. I didn’t ask anyone to help me say anything but obviously someone did because he cared enough about the friendships and want to mend it. He didn’t have to be involved but he chose to. I did not ask him to clear my shit for me so watch what you say.
To be honest, say what you want and think what you want to think. I don’t give a hoot about how you want to live your life anymore. I hate feeling like this because I care so much but y’all don’t even give 2 fucks. I’ve already apologized for causing the hurt but since y’all don’t want to reciprocate because you obviously don’t care, then why should I?
Say what you want cuz haters are gonna hate anyway.