A Penny For My Thoughts? – 25/3/2015

I used to think I could write. I used to write every time I was on the way to school – there was always something to write about. The train rides were long and I didn’t look at my phone to edit photos or play games, I was just typing and typing away and before I know it, I was at my destination.

Now, I just feel like I lost my way with words. And that’s sad. I missed writing. These days, it feels as though I’m struggling to put my emotions into words. That scares me – how I can no longer express how I feel in the medium I was most comfortable in. Writing was something I enjoyed – I looked forward to sitting in front of the computer and just spending time just typing and typing about some topic that came to mind.

***

Well, to be honest, the only thing I’m thinking and feeling right now, is a sense of loss. I don’t want to admit it but that’s the truth. And the first thing to do to feel better would be to accept the truth. I think the only way for me to ever get out of this would be to pen it down and get everything out.

I’m missing someone I love very much. I still do and some part of me will always do. Someone that made me the happiest girl in the world. Someone who meant the world to me. (This list is much longer but I won’t put you through it)

But it kills me because I know I probably meant nothing to him. Maybe right now, you’re just laughing at me for being pathetic – for not getting on with life, for not being able to move on (unlike you), for choosing to look back at the happy moments in the past.

If you actually come across this, I love you. A part of me always will.

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