Uninteresting Caption I

I think one thing that really gets to me from blogging would be the pain of having to come up with amazing captions that draw people. I honestly don’t know how some people can come up with interesting captions with a snap of my finger. On another note, the last post was filled with so much anger & rants that I wrote at 2AM in the morning (which I still think it’s justified) except for the fact no one prolly can read it since I locked with a password I don’t know myself.

So… I’ve been busy with rehearsals for President’s Star Charity 2013 but honestly I don’t feel like I’ve been doing much, considering that the item we’re doing is really against my principle (as in, not the song itself) but I think it’s inappropriate to talk about it here (these are things I can only keep to myself sigh) but I really hate hate hate what I’m being forced to do. I don’t feel as motivated for this show but I will still put in my best. In any case, I still had fun – meeting up with one of my fav group of people. Really missed the times we spent tgt every single day for fitting, for rehearsals, for vocal training, for dance, for radio interview, for press conferences. I missed the boot camp but when I finally find the time, I might compile them into a blog entry.

IMG_1995Our very first rehearsal for the show | Credits to Rozz for the photo 🙂

IMG_1996

My messy hair & the gang with our amazing vocal coach (whom I also found out to be a really amazing photographer), Hazrul

IMG_2150Taken during rehearsals on set this afternoon | Credits to Ashley for the amazing angle 🙂

Realized my blog has been too much words & too little photos (hahaha) and I’ve finally found the time to compile those photos from the phone so yes, look out for more photos that were long overdued. I’ve also a post set aside for the gig I did at Ocean Financial Centre which will also be on my other blog – http://faithjiaen.blogspot.sg – which I started when I was in The Final 1. My ladies from Replug did the banners for those & they’re so preetz, which was why I couldn’t bear to close the blog down even tho I was out of the competition.

And I was told I’m Replug’s REFLECTIONS show’s SM (which stands for stage manager) which is a pretty huge role, considering the amount of pressure I actually face right now. I’m literally cramming my head & crossing my fingers I won’t ruin the show. Just completed the bump in & in the midst of sorting my stage cues… Full dress rehearsals for PSC tmr – which means I get all dolled up – which means I should head to bed soon. School’s starting but that’s for another day.

That’s all I have for now but if you find yourself missing me, check out my Facebook page (http://facebook.com/faithjiaen), my Twitter (http://twitter.com/faithjiaen), my Instagram (http://instagram.com/faithjiaen) or drop me some interesting questions on my Ask.fm (http://ask.fm/faithjiaen) I hope I have time to update those sites as well 😉 Ciao! xx

Visuals.

Been really caught up with different things in life. Shall let the pictures do the talking:’)

RP NDOC 2012

My first performance in RP

Band practice for Wavehouse

Presenting you, Class of AY 2012/13 Semester 1

Jerald & Nicholas

CJ and I

Minyi & I

Sufie & I

Haziq & I

The ladies

Cheryl & I

Treats from Sarah.

Our photographer at work.

Roses are red, Violets are blue.

My Ignite Tag

In case you don’t know what Ignite is, it’s this platform which RP organised where local bands in Singapore would be performing for. I especially loved 53A’s gig. I went to check them out after the Ignite Music Festival 2012 and they’re really good. I’m like ‘How could I not have known about them?’ after checking out their videos. Also, one of my goals is to perform on Ignite’s stage!! It’ll be such a great honour to perform alongside with all the other talented people.

My job there was to assist the monitor engineer by noting down where the 7 monitors are to placed for each band, as well as to help the mic ops to place the mics. It was tiring, but nevertheless, it was a great experience. (Have I mentioned that I look smokin’ in the black attire + walkie talkie and a headset!). As a musician/vocalist, you really don’t know how much work is put up backstage to ensure you have the maximum experience onstage. The stage crew’s eyes are present there not to enjoy the show after setting up for you, but to note if anything goes wrong and to immediately provide assistance. I really don’t know how some bands (I shall not name names) can turn out to be so arrogant just because they’re famous/popular when they are really dependent on the stage crew/sound engineers. I promise to be nice to the crew when I am out for performances, they deserve more credit for the things they do, honestly. Hopefully, I’ll be watchful of my attitude.

GB Day 2011

I woke up early today to head down to GM to catch the girls in their GB uniforms for GB Day! Caught up with some of the teachers and truly, I miss GM so much even though there are things that I wished could become better. I miss the togetherness of the school – how everyone is so much closer, how you’ll know everyone by the end of your school life there, how it is like family there. Maybe it only happens for my school, but I kinda miss that feeling a lot.

When I was in GM, every single day I prayed I will get out of there soon. But right now, all I want to do is go back and be in the presence of the teachers who nag whenever you don’t submit your homework. Now, you’re in charge of your own learning so if you don’t bother, no one else is going to. As I grow older everyday, people will be expecting more from you. It sucks how your little actions you do or words you say become taken seriously and you’ll get judged for it. It sucks how grades are based on whether the facilitator likes you or the amount of work they deem is satisfiable for an A. Sometimes you’re the one who did everything but hell, you get the worst grade of the group.

Another thing I feel that it’s sad would be my commitment to GB. I find it so pathetic when I look at the video played today and how much I’ve been missing in the past 6 months. For the past 9 years in my life, I have faithfully attended every Enrolment Service and this year, I broke the record. I used to attend GB every week regularly + extra days to prepare for  the activities. It sucks to find out that I cannot be bothered to head back to HQ just for once a month. It’s pretty pathetic how I used to do so much for GB yet now, I’m no longer serving faithfully even tho I promised. It feels weird to go back to somewhere I grew up in and realised that you feel awkward you don’t belong. One thing hit me this morning tho and it’s making me think if I should reconsider my decision to totally remove the whole part of GB from my life altogether.

Once a GB girl, always a GB girl.

 

Amazing how events can unfold so quickly in a span of few days.

The last thing I want anyone to do is to snatch anything from me; friends seem to be the most common, followed by the spotlight. Funny how one moment you can be the best of friends, the next you won’t even think you are going to speak to her for the rest of your life.

#TGIF It’s Friday and the week is finally over + my weekends are no longer taken up by people so I am kinda free to do pretty much what I want over these two days. I just want to nua around at home, maybe cook some dishes for dinner, sleep, dance, sing; practically do whatever I want. Guess after having to give to so many people, I deserve some ‘me’ time with myself.

However, before I get my ‘me’ time, I need to complete my list of #Thingstodo:

  • Update my schedule/organiser
  • Swimming + Badminton
  • Collate notes
  • Complete evaluation for facilitators
  • Pack my table + shelf + throw away things I don’t need
  • Stop feeling so negative

The main point is not to update you about my life because it’s such a monotonous life I’m living, I came here to rant. I need an outlet to say my piece. It’s a method to control my anger or else I’ll end up bursting at the person or else someone else who’s unlucky enough to catch me at the wrong time. I sound like some no-life whiny little girl but I’m really angry at whatever has been happening. Honestly, I don’t know how to start.

Liking someone is not something I can control, even if I wished to, it still comes. Falling easily for people is my weakness, it’s not something to be proud of and it’s not easy to deal with. I have to keep telling myself it’s just another infatuation, another crush, another someone who don’t even know you exist. I feel so stupid feeling the way I do all the time – I keep thinking about a certain person whether I like it or not. I hate succumbing to my own feelings because I don’t even trust my own judgement anymore, it just makes its own decision, make me feel a certain way, things keep happening over and over again, in the same cycle and I get humiliated a hundred times over. I wished all these would just stopped and leave me alone. I rather be alone than hurt many times over. I just wished I had some say in my own affairs of the heart but no, it’s not giving me a chance to.

To you:

Please stop treating me like a fool already. Because I know whatever is going on. I do. Stop hiding it from people because we can see it. I’m not some stupid fucktard where I don’t know what’s going on. Why do you think I left that night when we were walking to the station together? You like him, he likes you. Your two other friends knew it and were nudging you to speak to him, but I was there, and you used your eyes to hint your friend to shut up. But glad for you, I walked away. Now, I heard you two are going to be dating. And you broke up with your boyfriend just because of that.

I just wished someone would have the courtesy to tell me something was going on between the both of you so I’ll back off. But no, I was left there guided by my own feelings, behaving a fucking moron and y’all just stood there watching all this unfold in front of you. I’m not sad cos I didn’t get to be with him or whatever the fuck it is. He is not worth it anyway. I learnt many important lessons: “Throughout everything, I’ve learnt never to let my hopes go high, always expect disappointments or what have you.” I’m pissed because no one told me. I feel so fucking humiliated, embarrassed with nowhere to hide my face in.

But guess what? I’m kinda glad you’re going to be together with him because it just showed me what a nice friend you can be. It opened up my eyes to seeing who are my friends really were – people who pretended to be concerned but in fact, they just stood there watching. It just showed me what you’re capable of. You’re a fucking two faced bitch, fucking hypocrite that I can’t stand to even make conversation with you.

One more thing, I learnt to give away my old toys to the less fortunate.

Stuck in reverse

When you try your best but you don’t succeed; you get what you want but not what you need.

That line’s been playing in my head over and over again. Today is officially the third day of school after our 2 weeks “study break” of which I did not even touch my books for one bit. Had so many activities, camps, rehearsals for the entire two weeks. Some of which I did enjoy myself very much, some of which I did not. But I’m glad it’s over.

I hate having to make decisions over things I both love. Decisions that will lead to different paths. I hate making life-changing decisions. It’s good I made it into the auditions. But now, I can’t decide which I’m staying in. I’ve been racking my brains over it so much, I’m tired of people telling what I should or should not do.

All I can say.. I’m probably stretching myself too thinly again.

xo

Quick updates!

What I’ve been doing since holidays started:

  • 28th May: The Makan Place Callbacks
  • 29th May: Replug Vocal Training + Rhapsody Practice
  • 30th May – 1st June: Replug Camp

Things to look forward to:

  • USS trip with Mandy and Sheryl
  • Rhapsody Camp
  • The Makan Place practice sessions

Had a really great time with the Replugios! Thought that it would have been a bad experience; but it was so fun. What I loved most was the jamming sessions where we just sat around, sang our hearts out, just doing what we love, like a family. We had an internal showcase – where we were split into bands, with different dynamics (I had a beatboxer & a keyboardist!!) and I sang ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’ by Britney Spears. I changed the whole arrangement of the song, and the feel was so different. I felt so proud of my team for coming up with such an arrangement!

The best part of the show? All of us had our special styles so every single performance was really awesome to watch!

Needa unpack, prepare for the next few activities. Shall blog properly soon! xo

Wonderful Tonight.

Always wanted to post something but I was lazy to think of things to blog about even though I had plenty of things to rant, comment or simply place my views about. Recently busy with activities from school – decisions that I have to make which makes me feel that it will impact the road one way or another, activities that keep so busy and things that I have to manage.

~

I’m on the verge of breaking down; I just want to cry but I have to keep telling myself not to, that I have to be strong and stop crying over little things that I’m facing. I wished that I am a little less hesitant, a little more firm or maybe have a clear sense of which direction I want to go/pursue in the future. Maybe if I was able to do something about it, I would have a little less trouble with the decisions I have to make right now.

I have to set my priorities right. I have to place what is most important first. I have to do well in my academics. I have to face up to so many expectations. I have to manage my time well. I have to meet deadlines. Why the hell am I spreading my life so thinly again? I want to do so many things, but I can’t choose which I want to focus on. I’m greedy like that, and I have to face the consequences for it again.

I have this question that I have been asking myself ever since the results out – Replug or Rhapsody? Replug or Rhapsody? Replug or Rhapsody? Even when I’m sitting there doing my worksheet, or singing my songs, or hanging out with my friends. It’s like I can’t seem to concentrate on anything, anything at all because of that decision I have to make as soon as possible or everything else in my life will seem to crumble and by then, it might be too late to do anything about that. But this decision is going to affect me for the rest of my life (at least to me), because it impacts what intentions or things I want to do with my life.

Truthfully I know I don’t belong in Rhapsody because I stick out like a sore thumb, because of my voice. But I love being in the midst of so many friendly people, I love how our voices can be used to become a song by itself. I’ve always been curious about how acapella works, but honestly I don’t think I can stay there for long.

And I don’t know if I stay in Replug. Honestly, I don’t think I’m any good in there because I don’t have originality. The songs I sing I hardly make any variations to it unless it’s really bad. I’ve never been great at rearranging songs, but the things I see in Replug is so unique or they totally make a whole change to the song. I actually rejected Replug, but seniors called and talked to me that I should stay. I don’t know how much to trust them, because I don’t know if their words are genuine. But I feel that Replug is the kind of place I would belong in, more than I’m in Rhapsody. The seniors say that I have potential if I am in Replug, but to be honest, they only heard me for two rounds. But when they are around me, my voice may not be up to what they have thought it would be.

The best part is I don’t know which IG to stay in. I mean after considering and thinking a lot, I do have a rough idea whic I should go to. But I’m holding back because I don’t know if it’ll be the right choice, the right decision. But I know I should try to take risks but I’m just so scared of taking the wrong step. xoxo

Absence does make the heart grow fonder.

Doesn’t God’s handiworks look ever so amazing?

Been looking forward to this day since forever, where I finally met up with people whom I missed so much;)

It’s like when you get to see everyone every single day, you seem to take their presence for granted. But when we are all parted into going our different paths in life, you always pine for the days that are now just  memories. When you finally meet up, you seem to have many things to say to one another.

It was like that for us yesterday; we were watching Shakespeare in the Park: The Twelfth Night play and I have to say it was really funny and awesome. Adrian Pang was the bomb, even though he is not playing the lead role, I would have to say no one would be able to play his role better than him. He has a great voice, I must say.

I shall stop here, and let the pictures do the talking;) xoxo

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Things to give thanks for.

  1. Getting into Round 1 of REPLUG auditions
  2. Getting into Round 2 of REPLUG auditions
  3. Getting into RHAPSODY
  4. Getting into the Round 1 of the musical
  5. Making new friends in a new environment
  6. Getting appreciated for things
  7. Appreciating old friends even more

There’s so many things to thank God for. But I don’t think I have time to touch on everything. God has been really good to me; His faithfulness never fails. Just when I thought He has forgotten about me, He surprises me with His miracles. All my life I have been failing umpteen auditions/interviews, but look where has His gift brought me.

I got accepted into 2 IGs I genuinely did not think I would have made through because of their standards. I got into the first round of the Musical auditions – and this was really unexpected. I mean, I can’t act even though I’m so dramatic. I screwed up the singing part of the audition which I knew I could have done better. I love dancing, but I look atrocious when I do. Things that I didn’t think would happen, did happen. I don’t know if it’s too early to be happy about anything. But I am already grateful for already coming this far. I just hope it’ll get better and better, but I know He has a purpose for me. I might not be able to succeed now, but who knows in the future?

Acceptance – a new word that I learn the meaning of. Accepting people for not only their strengths, but their flaws as well. Being accepted feels great, something that I truly felt only at this point in my life. I want to make people feel great/accepted for who they are around me. I want to help everyone feel the meaning of acceptance, even at the littlest moment in their life.

Whoever we are assigned with, I feel that we should embrace their flaws and make use of their strengths. No one person is perfect. In the working environment in the future, you don”t get to choose who your bosses are, who your colleagues are, who your clients are. Whatever the character they come with, you just have to learn to adapt to the circumstances.

Faith.

Hullo readers!

Here’s some updates about what I’ve been doing these days!

  • Auditions for RHAPSODY
  • Auditions for Reflections musical: The Makan Place
  • Auditions Round 1 and 2 for REPLUG

Boy, am I so glad that they’re all over. I hate having the jitters before/during auditions. You know, I’ll keep thinking about it all the time until they’re finally over before I can heave a sigh of relief. It’s kinda scary, but then again, I promised myself to have to grab all opportunities or else I’ll regret it. Though the auditions for the musical was kinda new to me, having to dance, sing and read a monologue, I’m really surprised that I really like it:)  I just hope I get some small part in the musical, just for the fun of it:)

I got into both REPLUG and RHAPSODY. And I think it’s impossible for me to go and do both (Not that I’ll want anyway). For your information, REPLUG is an IG which redefines music; while RHAPSODY is an acapella singing group (Is it the same like show choir?). I went for both auditions, hoping I’ll get into either one and get rejected by the other. But then, both accepted me, so what do I do now?

I feel that being in REPLUG would be pretty stressful for me, and stress is the one thing I do not want to have on my plate right now. While RHAPSODY really gives me the feel of being in a family, like GLEE. I mean, since I said that, my mind is already made up, right?

I need to really master my time management, or else things are going to go the way I do not want it to be. Guess I have a lot to balance on my plate right now, the last thing I need to spread myself too thinly like before, and regret it all over again. Need to pray and ask that Daddy will help me with this; Mother has already said that she’ll want me to quit the IGs if my academics suffer.

Really detest the thought of having so much to balance on my plate right now; the many groups of friends, academics, IGs. Ah, this is so annoying.

Friend or foe?

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Hello readers!

I’m so glad that the weekend is here; many new changes to adapt to, new people to meet, new everything. It’s a week into poly life, and I’m glad with the effort I’ve been putting in. I’m proud to say that I put in my best for every single module that I’ve taken this week, so whatever the result, I already did my best.

Made a bunch of good friends through FOP, and I’m glad I went for it. To those who didn’t, you probably lost out. I’m glad I’m able to be who I want to be around them – no shield, no lies, no pretences. I feel it from my smiles, laughters, grins from the pictures.

I appreciate the little times we’ve been skypeing even though we’re in the same class, same building or even right next to each other. How I’m able to confide in them, and trusting that they won’t speak of it to anyone else. I love how we IM each other during classes – talking about the good and the bad things that’s been going on. I love how you guys appreciate for who I am, and who I want to be.

You know how encouraging it is when people cheer so loudly they lose their voice, just because I’m going on stage doing what I loved best. Even though I’m shaking with fear inside of me, I just want to do these people who’s cheering some justice. I never been appreciated more in my entire life. Guess what, we screwed up the performance in Jam&Hop, yet people came by not to blame me but thank me for going up and saying I did well. All these little gestures would never fail to make me smile, make me feel belonged even more.

All my life, as long as I started to open my mouth, people tell me to ‘Shut the hell up‘ or ‘You’re so fucking annoying. Stop singing, will you?‘. Or if I started dancing, people start to snigger or they’ll comment on how funny I look. Do you guys ever stopped to think that it would hurt my feelings or was I just another person you guys could make fun of?

But this bunch of friends, they don’t tell me to shut up or they don’t ignore me when I say something no matter how ridiculous it is. They don’t laugh at me when I dance, they join me and they say that I can really dance. They don’t call me fat, they call me ‘a little huge ball of energy’. But most of all, when I sing, they sing with me and they say genuinely encourage me to sing more. When I do recordings, they look forward to it. When I need someone to accompany me to attend dance open class, they’re here.

Maybe the people in my past reacted to me in that way because I had a certain attitude towards them. I don’t blame them, because I was really mean, bitchy. I’m a totally new person now – starting afresh, where everyone came from different pasts and no one minded who you were before, all they care is what you do right now and how you behave right now.

I just wanted to say that my purpose in writing this is not to push the friends I’ve made from my past (the clique, the council, the GB friends, the Choir friends, classmates) aside just because I have new friends. Whenever I whatsapp y’all, I feel like I don’t matter to you guys anymore. You don’t reply my texts, or else you just treat it like it’s another text message. Whenever I try to organise another outing/gathering, no one wants to respond. But the moment someone else try to organise something, you guys respond. How do you think I will feel about that? I’m only human you know.

I feel that just because we’re all in different schools, different schedules, different group of friends, don’t push away the ones you made before – people you spent more time with, people who knew you more than the ones know of you now. Because the moment you do that, you hurt someone else whom thought you bothered, or cared.

Just gonna stand there and watch you burn.

Math class was thought-provoking today. It made me question about why I use a certain method in solving the questions and why we actually use what formulas we actually use to do our questions. Here’s an example.

Q: Looking at your equation in Q3, there is a certain sequence of the operations that affect the final answer. If so, which operations should come first and which can be performed later? You may like to come up with an example to show how this sequence affects the final answer.

The certain sequence of operations would be using the acronym BODMAS, which would be brackets, operations, multiplication, division, addition, subtraction. It would be in the following order in the acronym.

The example would be:

    • (2 + 5) x 6
    • 2 + 5 x 6

Mathematics is no longer the usual thing of equations, formulas and symbols any more. We used to answer Math questions via pen and paper, and we used to complain about such things. We used to be able to do Math without typing it in the computer; we didn’t bother about out handwriting, we didn’t care that our teachers have to read it. Now I really understand why the teacher takes time to come up with worksheets; the fact that they have to use the computer to prepare the worksheets for us is already an ordeal itself. We always thought writing and practising the equations by hand is tedious but once you start having to type it out, it’s so annoyingly annoying. That’s a change from what we’ve been doing.

I love this two people: Sarah Jane and Dani:) I’m so glad to have met them from FOP because they’re always here for me!:) Shall update tomorrow!

xoxo

Just get yourself back home

Hey y’all:)

Just a quick post; life’s been great! Out with my families during the weekend, SC Investiture on Monday, shopping with the girls today, from tomorrow onwards a new life awaits:)

Orientation Camp starts tomorrow; I’ll be going with mixed feelings. I never liked being a freshmen, it always make me feel out of place and small, but I’m pretty sure I’ll adapt to school life. Yes, I do miss secondary school but I’ll be brave and take the first step (always the hardest, but once you’re over with it, things get smoother.)

I’ve set myself a GOAL: To do everything to the best I can:) I’m not going to let the same scenario in secondary school ruin the rest of my life. This is still one more step I can change!:)

Hope the weather will stay fine today – not too hot, not too cold, just cloudy and right!:) Will update more when I get the time! xoxo